Way Out

One of my friends at Pitt told me today that she was offered a job recently. I am so happy for her. She is a sweet young woman, very gentle, and considerate. Two years ago, I temporarily lived in her apartment for a summer because of a teaching position. She accommodated me with pure friendship and warmth. I still remember the nights that we spent together having long chats, and watching YTYCD or American Idol together. We also watched a musical with a group of people in that summer. We had dinner in a sushi buffet twice.

She's a devoted Christian. She believes God's words full-heartedly, and God does show her THE way and love her the way she loves HIM.

I remember I called her one of my darkest days. She said: "We should drop off our worries. If it turns out we both find good jobs, our current worries will become a total waste. God will lead." At that time, I was surprised how cheerful and peaceful she could be in face of a hard dissertation project, a committee member who is not that nice, and uncertain future. But looking back, I do find my worries and stress caused not by the workload but by the feeling of uncertainty and insecurity are such a waste. She seems to have more courage than I do in terms of dealing with the time of crisis. I think that courage comes from her belief, from HIM.

Big bless to you, my friend. After the whole PhD thing, I do believe that there's a way out for everybody. The key is HOW we deal with uncertainties and hardship that we don't expect/welcome in our lives. I do believe that suffering, in some way, is a blessing. He knows that I can handle the suffering because I am stronger than others. In other words, I deserve the suffer. I hope I deserve it, at least.

温暖的瞬间

再看了一次Once，只因为偶尔在咖啡厅里听到了那首已经变得烂大街的Falling slowly。我再一次被深深地感动了，被那没有拥抱热吻上床的guy and girl的故事。他和她不是没有欲望的人，是有欲望却知道爱起于何时止于何处的人。他们都为着理想在奋斗，但也同时明白现实与理想之间的距离，特别是那个girl。当她只能用捷克语说“我爱的是你“，当她最终失约，当她在guy买给她的钢琴上奏完一曲回头看向窗外时，我都觉得她美丽无比。

有很多心情是说不出来的。每个人都有自己的无声话语，说向深深的记忆。

相遇可以是童话般的，但童话人物真的只适合活在童话世界里。

就比如，Glen Hansard 与 Maketa Irglove 最终还是分道扬镳了。但他们有过Once，有过曾经在一起的回忆。他们造就了彼此的人生。

I am so thankful

I am very thankful because I have received so much support from family and friends during the preparation of my campus visit. I experienced again what I've experienced repeatedly in my life - Magic. Generous support came like a magic, from people I know and connect to, when I was seriously desperate and worried, when I just thought that I was all alone throughout the journey.

I am so blessed, I think, to be able to know all of them. Maybe it is true that each person is an island. One has to endure what one deserves to. But I think there is always connections between the lonely islands, things that can not be blocked and cut off. Everyone is an island which connects to other islands in deep and complicated ways. I cherish such connections because they make the loneliness of my island meaningful.

剑走偏锋赖声川

这是个神人。美国出生，说一口地道的美语，上大学却去读英文，玩儿了五年民歌驻唱，对戏剧艺术发生了兴趣，又跑回加州伯克利念戏剧博士。博士读完了，却不想正儿八经当个学者，又跑回他嘴里的”戏剧沙漠“去建筑他戏剧的Las Vegas。没经过剧本写作的训练，自己写起了剧本儿。写剧本也就罢了，竟然还写起了了三俗之一的相声，，没想到一夜成名，名利双收，从此一步步登上台湾现代戏剧之父的宝座。

他今天一头花白垂肩长发，八字须，络腮胡，一身黑衣。除了一口原汁原味的英语，和他那美国拿的博士学位，他身上没有什么洋味儿，倒是有浓浓的艺术味儿。我注意到他手的动作特别丰富，很有表现力。

他是个精力充沛的speaker，近两个小时的talk，他硬是一口气没歇，一口水没喝，口才实在了得。我并不对他讲的一切都买账，且觉得有些神话，说多了真的会假作真时真亦假。但我很喜欢他讲的cause和effect在表演中的关系，他的戏剧观，他对create moments的讲解，对创作方法的感悟。但总的来说，深讲的东西少，介绍的东西多，以至于我现在除了在现场的愉悦感，回忆不起来太多的感触点。

但他的talk让我更坚信了一件事，一个人必须要做自己真正热爱、真正相信的事情，生命才有意义。赖声川讲到当他读到博士第四年，突然发现自己并不知道戏剧到底是什么的时候，他惶恐而抑郁。但他终究没有违心地去做不能convince自己去做的事情，而是剑走偏锋，走出了自己的世界。

散会后，有个人跟我说，她觉得赖声川此来，生意经比学术经多。我则觉得这很自然。艺术又不是净土。能把艺术玩到他这个程度（我不说境界、也不说档次，呵呵）的人，绝对不是愤青、也不是票友。他一定是他自己说的，passion与impassion的巧妙结合。